Friday, December 5, 2014

things he didn't do.

there was one time that i was busy with ainur and asked hubby to pack our clothes. we were going back to hometown for few days.

later on hubby came to me and volunteer to take over ainur, because he can't find what to pack for me.

"we're married for a year and you don't know what i wear?" i asked. and he made his cute innocent face saying "no," took ainur, and ran away.

so one morning while ironing his clothes, I asked him my cloth size and jeans size. he answered wrong on the jeans and gave a safe answer for my shirt - whenever a woman ask you what size is her shirt, always answer an S. and a hug from the back will always get yourself forgiven.

i realized that whenever i was mad, i kept pointing on the things he didn't do. like, not throwing out the garbage, not throwing away the leftovers and leave them on the table, not washing the dishes, not putting the socks in the rags and when i forgot to wash them, we'll go for an adventure on a Treasure Island, trying to find a pair of clean socks on a Monday morning.

and i kept getting in a bad mood every morning trying to settle things up while waiting for him to wake up. like, changing ainur's diapers, feeding her, making her puree, ironing his clothes, getting myself ready which always ends up wearing any shirt i could find, yesterday's unwashed jeans and scarf. and while i looked worse and worse everyday until my colleagues started to ask what happened to me (at least 3 people would ask every week), and making me feel bad for not shaping up and looks good for my husband, keep asking what my slim manager eats to maintain he shape after 3 babies, trying to drink more green tea and detox as my fit colleagues do, yet at the end of the day i would go home tired and sleepy and keep delaying to clean the house.

and when i gets too stressed i would always point to the things he didn't do, and forgets all the things he did.

he loves me. that's the best thing he has ever done. i'm talking about my first crush, ever. i had looked at him every day in every classes, in every activities, for two years. there was one time he was sent home for two weeks for smoking in school, and i lost my energy going to classes. i do remember how happy i felt when he came back. even my girlfriends noticed it. all the girls in my class and half of the girls in the batch knew i like him. i've never missed giving him chocolates or cakes during dedication projects, and despite i knew he has someone he liked for a long time at his hometown, and despite my best friend told me to forget him, i told her, he can love a girl for so long and waiting for only that girl. that's the kind of guy he is. and i'm very successful in finding that kind of guy to like. well, even though he has never noticed me. wahahahaha...!

and that was like, 12 years ago. when i was naive and have never been broken hearted and never loved any guys. he was the first that i have any interest in for a long time. and when i had few broken hearts afterwards, trying to find what I wanted to do in life, God sends him at the right time.

sometimes when he's driving or sleeping, i'll stare at him and wonder what good have i done to deserve him.

he has never ridiculed my dreams. i want to be a cartoonist. i want to draw a children book. i have a love story in mind to illustrate. that i wish one day would be made into a series. not that kind of love story in TV3 or the ones you read in novels. i kept wondering what those kind of stories teach us. i want to make a story about achieving your dreams, about doing what you like, or enjoy your job despite you hating it, about how girls' minds are not as complicated as they always say, and how boys' are not as simple as they always mention. something that leaves a footprint, just like how ghibli's movies always do. he has never ridiculed my ideas, despite i had done nothing on them. sometimes he would smirk when i told him my plans, the kind of sarcastic smirk that i could stand and forget about it later. because you know, in the end he'll be the one supporting me through all things.

he appreciates and gives feedback even for something i'm unsure could be achieved one day. i want to open a cafe with the pending coffee concept. maybe not coffee, pending sandwich or pending nasi lemak would be better and cheaper. he said that malaysian can't be trusted with it. our ethics are not at that level. well, someone has to start somewhere, we'll educate the community as time goes. and there are a lot of good people in this world.

he supports me through my struggle, whenever i broke down or gave up, he's always there to help me finish it. he wouldn't sleep to help me with my insignificant little business, he encourages me and helps me look for suppliers and vendors, and all the tools that would make my process easier. he'll leave his passion taking the photos if i have lots of orders, helping me taking care of our little girl and finishing my stuff.

despite i think he hasn't done enough, or haven't tried hard enough, he had never told me what i didn't do. whenever i apologize for not cooking or cleaning, or sleeping too early leaving him with our baby, he would always tell me what i've done for him and ask me not to bother about the rest.

whenever i wanted a beautiful, expensive dress, or shawl, or bags, or complaining on my worn sandals. he'll just let me go ahead to buy them, or simply ignore me; because he knows that i'll let it go anyway and even if i bought them, those expensive stuff will be thrown somewhere where i forgot that i even had them.

he's the guy who would never say i looked bad no matter how bad i looked.

he's the one who wakes up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, he doesn't mind sleeping with the lights on because i'm afraid of the dark. he'll make sure he wouldn't get sick because if i catch the cold or fever from him, i'll take too long for me to recover due to my allergies.

he's the one charging my phone and put it in the bag, because i've never bothered to do so.

whenever i have commissions or orders, he'll encourage me to take them, always complimenting my works.

he's the one, from the moment we met (again), never let me feel lonely at all.


i have a chat with a friend, how peers sometimes influence who we are and what we want. for example, buying an expensive handbag to show that we have money and use branded stuff, or spending so much on car and houses and gadgets.

i've never interested in branded stuff or luxury cars or big houses, though i'll spend on expensive handmade stuff that i like, that other people say not worth it. well, the value is fully determined by you yourself. nobody could price your sentimental value or memory, or your interest, or your style.

i'll go for the cheapest car i could get, while big houses scares me. i'll go for a small cozy home, where i could cook while looking at my husband watching the tv. and have a studio of our home. where we can finally arrange our displays. setting up a proper photography setting, having a clean and neat workstation to draw and make some crafts.

i read somewhere, women love to display their happiness. take that away from you, what are you? take away husband, kids, your degree, job, home, and all those that you display all the time. what are you?

i can't imagine that, because i have already a picture of us together in our own home printed in my mind. yet the only thing i couldn't see in the photo is me as an engineer. more towards a housewife who raise our kids, clean, cook, and draw all the time. lol.

december 2014.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

budak kecik baca buku sampai tertido

2 minggu yang busy. kne siapkan 200++ engineering drawings revision within 5 days, menyebabkan aku online kat umah malam2 tunggu client kat us masuk opis, dan jugak kensel plan balik muo untuk kali ketiga sebab keje wiken, sampai last2 ayah aku datang KL nak tengok ainur (di samping anta abang aku yg nak balik doha). okeh esok balik kampong!!

tgh plan nak pindah. nex month carik umah (carik awal2 kang tuan umah suh masuk awal). aku pun start bukak design sponge tgk org hias umah diy ngan scroll2 etsy carik barang lawa2. bila dah tak bizi sangat nanti nak start commission balik untuk mengisik akaun paypal dan membelanjakannya di etsy.

ainur da 6 bulan 3 minggu! dia da terer bergolek sana sini, and this week dia tgh mood tak tido malam. kol 5 pagi baru tido. kengkadang aku ngan hubby dah tak tahan ngantuk tu kitorang tertido gak time ainur belum tido. bila aku terjaga tetengah malam, kengkadang dia ada kat kepala aku, kengkadang kat tangan aku. bila dia nampak aku bukak mata, ketawa suka. comel giler. tak sampai hati aku nak tido balik tapi terlelap gak.

selasa haritu aku anta ainur gi nanny. ade keje due aritu so bersemangat la nak pegi opis abeskan pastu melepak seminggu buat keje rilek2. tapi by the time aku sampai umah nanny, umah kosong. pintu terbukak. dekat 10 minit aku bagi salam, last2 husband nanny ainur keluar amik ainur. nanny ainur kuar gi kedai ke jogging. biasa kalau tinggalkan ainur kat nanny dia, aku x kesah sangat. tapi ni masa aku nak blah, muka ainur terkebil2. aku blah jugak. tapi pastuh aku patah balik. nak amik cuti la, siapkan keje kat umah je. lagipun esoknya abang aku nak balik doha dah, baik lepak ngan diorg kat umah. parking2 je kete aku dengar ainur melalak. ape lagi terus amik anak aku bawak balik. huhu.. aku suka nanny aku ni tapi bila tinggal2 camni aku tak secured la. salah kitorang la selalu anta lambat amik lambat. diorg pun ade gak mende lain diorg nak buat.

so tiga hari melepak ngan ainur kat umah. 2 hari lagi tu aku mc sebab bronchitis. bila demam aku tak makan ubat sebab alergi. biasa seminggu baik la. tapi ni batuk da masuk 2 minggu tak reda2. satu malam ni pegi kpj sebab kaki ainur kne gigit sampai bengkak biru2. aku check sekali batuk aku yang tak baik2 tu. dengan check darah + x ray, amik kau rm600 kena. nak abes kuota hubby tahun ni (sebab aritu aku sakit belakang bodo2 pun gi kpj kena rm400 kau). padahal panel hubby actually kitorang nk spare untuk ainur punya suntik etc etc :'(  menyesal aku malas makan ubat.

melepak ngan ainur kat umah sangat bes. ainur bergolek2 main je ngan aku sepanjang hari selain tido. membuatkan aku terpikir ape la anak aku buat hari2 kat umah nanny dia. rindu tak dia kat aku ngan hubby. dah la aku selalu amik lambat sebab pegi keje lambat. malam baru bole spend masa ngan mak ayah. aku nak je text nanny ainur every hour, tapi tak baik la buat camtu. akak opis aku suh anta anak aku kat umah pengasuh depan opis aku, senang nak tengok tengahari. tapi aku x berani nak bawak ainur travel dari putrajaya pegi puchong ulang alik. lainlah kalau kitrg pindah puchong nanti. just hubby la kesian nak travel gi jalan duta pulak dengan trafik lagi teruk.

skang tak decide lagi nak dok mana. kalau stay putrajaya stay ngan nanny ainur. kalau pindah puchong, anta ainur kat pengasuh area opis. bila da ada baby baru aku perasan, nak pindah umah pun semua utamakan nak hantar baby kat mana, nak carik pengasuh yang ok kat mana. keje dah tak kisah dah. keje apepe pun takpe. bila macam ni aku selalu terfikir, besnyer jadik housewife. ko bole jaga anak ko sendiri. tapi akak aku tak keje jaga anak, susah jugak bila diorg sesak. and kesian ngan husband dia (lagi2 lak akak aku tu demand, wakaka). ngan akak ipar aku yg tak keje jugak, tade la sesak aku rasa sebab gaji abang aku cukup la kot nak cover diorg kat doha, tapi akak ipar aku lak yang bosan dok umah. aku yang keje ni rase nak berenti jaga ainur tapi aku nak tolong parents and husband. sedey weih tengok umah ayah ko kat kampung dah senget or macik ko nak pasang siling baru sebab nak pasang ekon kat umah. atau mak ko nk beli umah kat kampung lepas pencen tapi nanti duit pencen kena tolak banyak. tu dia orang2 yang berkorban seumur hidup diorg besarkan ko jadik engineer pastu ko nk berkorban untuk diorg tak boleh? mak aku single parent bole besarkan anak 5 orang semua berjaya dan in the same time boleh senangkan hidup nenek aku + tolong adik2 dia yang susah SAMPAI SEKARANG. mak aku nak pencen pun x boleh sebab hutang banyak lagi nk setelkan dan anak2 sama ada dah de komitmen masing2 or ade yg baru nk start life, takleh nk tolong sangat. no such thing as perempuan yang mengejar kerjaya tu selfish. kalau kau nak salahkan mak bapak sibuk atau bercerai menyebabkan anak2 tunggang langgang, maybe it's true, and maybe it's time untuk budak2 tu bangun sendiri sebab at the end ko nak sibuk menyalahkan orang, masa depan ko jugak ko tgh pertaruhkan. yang aku cakap ni budak2 remaja lah yer. budak kecik aku pun kesian.

bila aku baca orang tulis, isteri jagalah anak sendiri, suami tanggunglah femili, takpe, berkorban la, korang jimat2 la, tayah la hari2 nak tapau kepsi. masak je la kat umah. ni tak, ibu bapa lepaskan tanggungjawab didik anak dekat pengasuh/chekgu sebab bini sibuk nak kejar kareer. amboih bini jugak kena. ko ingat setiap hari ko lepaskan anak ko kat orang, hati ko senang? ko ingat setiap jam mak bapak ni tak pikir pasal anak diorg? setiap orang ada hidup masing2 dan takde benda yang boleh distereotypekan, kita semua tak layak nak judge sesiapa punya kehidupan, kalau ko mampu salah sorang je keje, alhamdulillah, itu impian setiap perempuan. belajar tinggi2 last2 masuk dapur jugak? takpe. itu impian setiap perempuan.

memang tanggungjawab kat parents jatuh kat anak lelaki. tanggungjawab anak perempuan atas husband and anak2 dia macam yang akak aku selalu tekankan. tapi kita hidup dalam masyarakat yang tahu sunnah nabi, lelaki boleh kawen empat. tu je yang dia tau. sunnah lelain dia tatau. satu hari nanti, yes, kita semua akan lebih baik dan institusi tanggungjawab ni dapat disempurnakan lebih baik.

and untuk budak kecik ni? aku akan pertaruhkan semuanya untuk dia. takkan bagi dia rasa apa aku pernah rasa masa membesar. insyaAllah.

nov 2014.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

october 2014

dah sebulan lebih kembali bekerja kilang. rutin hidup yang aku angan2kan pegi kije pukul 7 balik kije pukul 4 belum tercapai. masuk kije pukul 930 balik kije pukul 630 ader la.

ainur da start makan!!! pagi2 aku masak bubur anta kat nanny dia. dia lahap je ape kitorang sumbat. dan aku sebagai excited mother bila pegi shopping tu terase nak beli sumer buah ngan sayur buatkan dia bubur ngan puree. tapi husband aku cadangkan bagi makan ayam kepsi je kan senang.

hubby aku memang banyak cita2 dia ngan ainur. dia nak tunggu ainur bam-bam supaya dia boleh roll ainur pastu gelak tengok ainur bergolek golek golek golek. ataupun bagi ainur minum jus lemon sebab nak tengok muka ainur berkerut tahan masam. ataupun bagi ainur main evangelion aku walaupun ainur lagi excited tengok transformers dia. seyes. kitorang bagi ainur soft toys, ainur x tertarik pun. aku hulur robot, menggapai2 tangan dia.

haritu masa baru start makan ainur buat balik perangai takmo susu botol. aku x dapat fully breastfeed ainur. dan despite membe2 dok cadangkan milk booster whatsoever sambil berceramah akan kepentingan breastfeeding, aku dah sampai satu tahap yang let it go~let it go~ i dont give a damn anymore~~ daripada aku stress hari2 mengadu kat hubby sambil mata sayu tengok ibu2 pos gamba expressed milk penuh satu fridge kat breastfeeding group, dok beli pump ni pump tu, baik aku bagi anak aku kenyang minum susu botol dan spend quality time with non-stressed heart and head ngan anak aku.

ohye. ainur rijek botol. nak breastfeed je tapi aku sangat kompem dia tak kenyang sbb susu aku tak banyak. being a psycho mother, aku asek beg beg beg hubby mintak botol susu baru lah, tuka susu baru lah. bila nk bagi ainur minum, hubby kena dok depan muka dia baca buku, main botol air mineral, apepe la yang tarik perhatian dia sepanjang minum susu. seminggu lebih gak la camtu. tapi alhamdulillah skang da ok sikit.

kesian hubby. bila ade hal melibatkan ainur- ainur demam - ainur minum sikit - ainur ade kesan merah2 kat belakang badan - katil ade semut - ainur ade ruam- masa aku bukak baju ainur, tersangkut kat leher sampai ade kesan merah - and whatsoever mende2 kecik pun hubby kne bersabar dengar aku mengomel membebel menanges marah2 dan sebagainya.

aku da gemuk. hari2 tanya hubby. da gemok ke? da gemok ke? ditambah lagi ade sorang membe opis aku yang bodoh; hari2 dia bagitau aku, "ko dah gemok." sebab tu aku menyampah kawan ngan laki. mulut tak reti tapis. membe2 popuan aku pulak cakap: "fuiyoo... dah mantap!" hokeyh?!

tapi hubby cakap aku lawa. bila suh compare dengan yang dulu, ayat selamat hubby aku ialah, "suka ayang yang sekarang." atau ayat yang tak selamat sangat:--  "abang tak penah pandang paras rupa ayang. abang pandang personaliti ayang. lepas part personaliti tu dah teruk tu baru abang terpaksa pandang paras rupa pulak."


hubby punya sarcasm aku memang tak boleh nak tandingi. pernah sekali aku dok citer pasal kazen aku (lelaki) putus tunang sebab dia tak suka pun tunang dia tu. aku pun bagitau hubby, "dia macam abang la, ade popuan suka, ade popuan ngorat, dia dah malas carik len, hmm oke lah, terima je lah minah ni." hubby mengangguk setuju. aku bengang, cakap, "kenapa tak nafikan? kenapa tak cakap, 'eh abang bukan macam tu. abang sukaaa ayang.'"

jawapan husband aku:- "wife are always right. mana boleh betulkan."

keje skang bes. masuk awal chow awal. masuk lambat chow lambat. kerja daily basis. kalau ade request from us ade la kije. kalo takde melanguk atau mintak kije kat org lain. atau main dart atau carom atau minum kopi sambil makan kek. jalan pegi balik keje tak jem, kalo bukan sebab tak berani nk pecut (naik viva je bai), 15 minit da sampai opis da.

sabtu ni ade exam ptd online. dulu dalam 4-5 tahun lepas ade panggilan tapi aku bantai tido x pegi exam. mak aku tanya nak buat ape susah2 nak amik exam kalo taknak kije gomen? aku bukan tanak. just aku malas nak iron baju kurung ngan tudung pagi2. skang capai jeans ngan tshirt, sarung kasut seploh hengget beli kat aeon, selempang tudung yg pakai semalam, hangkut beg laptop, drive gi keje. oh aku sangat suke keje kilang. masa kije kat main opis kat midvalley dulu takleh gak nak selekeh sangat macam skang.

dulu aku penah kije gomen kat kbs after grad. kontrak je. nasib baik dapat bos best kalo tak jadik pokok bunga je la kat opis tu. aku kije kat tingkat 6. akak aku kije kat tingkat 4. oleh sebab aku xde baju kurung, aku recycle baju kurung akak aku. pada satu hari membe2 akak aku terserempak ngan aku lalu berkata, "suraya, ni bukan baju yang suriya pakai last week?"

wadehel korang ingat baju ape akak aku pakai minggu lepas???

kawan2 aku pulak masa tu sorang da kawen, sorang lagi nak kawen. aku  yang single dan available dok dengar je la diorg citer pasal husband, pakwe, novel alaf 21, drama melayu malam tadi, dan lain2. nasib baik bos aku layan dan brown so ade membe nak borak mende yang aku tau. membe2 uni aku yang sehati sejiwa tgk bleach, naruto, law of ueki, ngan get backers pulak lepas balik melesia layan kpop. makanya aku gi comic convention sorang2 je la pastuh.

bila da ade anak skang baru perasan banyak mende berubah. aku da start baca novel alaf 21 sebab bila baca novel stephen king kepala aku pening nk berfikir. aku juga bukak drama melayu TV3 sebab HBO asek ulang2 citer sama.  nak baca shounen2 baru aku rasa macam baca the same things over and over again. macam kalau ko dah tepu baca shoujo, ko da bole predict mende ni akan camni dan mende tu akan camtu. dah outgrow phase tu la kot. aku rasa the best manga adalah masa zaman kita membesar. from doraemon, dragon ball, up to one piece dan yg seangkatan dengannya. manga sebelum2 tu bes gak & aku bercita2 bila ade duit banyak banyak banyak nati aku nk collect balik classic manga. nk kumpul everything from osamu tezuka walaupun citer2 dia simple2 je sumenya even though theme dia berat.

skang aku banyak aim graphic novels yg lukisan cam s%&* mantap. banyak projek aku berazam nak buat tapi serius keazaman aku tinggal azam sebab bila ainur tak tido aku dok mengadap babyku dan bila ainur tido aku terpaksa peluk anak aku sambil berdengkur sekali. malam2 bila husband ajak tgk 70's show, aku dah blackout. husband ajak tgk shingeki no kyojin aku layan sampai husband aku yang berdengkur. hubby cakap aku memang lagi minat anime. tapi dalam keadaan skang malam aku prefer tido drpd berjaga macam dulu2. dah tua.

abang aku balik bercuti sebulan. so dapat la berkumpul adik beradik, last berkumpul masa aku kawen tahun lepas. siap ade sorang macik aku komen kat fesbuk: 'cantik,,tapi kalau ade lagi sorang, lagi cantik." tergelak aku. ye la nex yer abang aku balik for good, boleh la amik gamba satu femili ngan ayah aku pulak. tahun ni dah x sempat.

bulan 12 ni aku rasa rambut ainur takat camni gak lagi. nak beli costume totoro pun dah x sempat nk ship dr us. so kat comic fiesta nanti kitrg cosplaykan dia jadik shin chan ok!

oct 2014.

Friday, September 19, 2014

warming up.

started new job. not much changes here, except of course, HUGE renovation of level 2 smm. nice office, i like this better than midvalley. everyone from the product engineering department to the manufacturing plant says I look fat. such warm welcomes.

back in 2009, during the first day of our orientation, i spilled milo on the desk. i spilled a bottle of coke during a monthly meeting. and some other spillages afterwards.

today the record maintains.

after an engagement, a wedding, a pregnancy, and a baby, two years and i'm back in steelcase.

september 2014.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

commission: tentacle dreads

 "it's a guy with a suit, yakuza style and instead of normal hair, his dreads are actually tentacles."

it's a fun commission, but i overdid the tentacle dreads and removed the beard. anyway, still waiting for the feedback before proceeding with the text and coloring.

2 days left in Mimos, such a great 2 years over here. good environment, fun projects, great colleagues. learnt a lot here.

gonna take a week+ off before starting at the new workplace. wanna take this opportunity to spend more time with ainur. who knows when is the next time i could have this looooong holiday.

bought a scanner and printer. great, i could scan and edit the comics myself! 3 days to go...

august 2014.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

daily photos

been finishing some ceramic photo tiles. with new label! :D 

need to wait for a day to get a good glossy finishing.

ainur turns 4 months old.

haven't have much time to help hubby inserting the watermarks for Black Plastic Life.

august 2014.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

daily photos

after 4 months - still adjusting to new life. watching her growing up day by day - feels like our best achievement!

trying my best to complete my comic project, children book illustration, and other commissions. 

hubby doesn't like selfies for all generic reason the society has, hence i insert him in the photos if there's a chance.

been sketching here and there.

workspace these days. for the record, 80% of mechanical engineers in my department has something like this.

**p/s plain: i'm rebooting my blog. will post more artworks and craft works from this point onwards ;)

august 2014.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

hapdet!! hapdet!!!

ainur tengah demam, batuk & selesema. bila lunchtime je aku naik cab balik umah nak peluk dia (sementara duit ade lagi nak bayar cab). aku dah ade kete! aku amik viva basic, alhamdulillah murah bayar bulan2 pasal perodua ada promo nak clearkan viva arituh.

tapi, jeng jeng jeng ~~~ lesen lom ade. in progress.

time ainur sakit camni mula la aku stress and sedih sbb tak dapat fully breastfeed dia. kalo tak ok sikit immune system dia. low milk supply. dan disebabkan aku senang sangat stress ngan low self esteem, makan supplement kejadah ape pun tak membantu sangat la. sedih okeh, bila ko pump beramai2 kat nursing room, orang lain rilek je letak pump kat breast pastu main tab, lepas 10 minit dah full dah bottle diorang. ko pulak siap urut2 masa pumping, lepas setengah jam baru 1 oz.

ainur sangat comel. dan sangat baik. tak susah jaga dia. so masa dia sakit ni bila dia menangis merah2 mata ngan hidung, sedih gile aku.

manja ngan papa dia. nampak je hubby terus senyum gelak2. nampak je aku terus aim kat boobs bergerak.

sekarang baru nak start balik melukis ngan buat craft setelah lama giler tinggal. banyak projek tertangguh ni, harap2 dapat gak settlekan pada masanya.

thanx to hubby for everything. since kapel tunang kawen sampai beranak ni sume aku nak aku dapat. time aku sakit tak penah kne tinggal. time aku ngantuk hubby suh tido dulu, dia jaga anak. time aku stress hubby pujuk2 ecehhh. aku tak masak, tak basuh baju, hidup bersepah, tak penah kena komplen. henpon aku abes bateri hubby cajkan, masukkan dalam henbeg pagi2. aku gemuk pun hubby cakap lawa. walaupun pastu dia cakap lawa cam dugong atau ikan paus, tapi tetap ada la perkataan "cantik" tu. time aku emo hubby tak marah pun; just tak layankan je. pegi keje balik keje berhantar. every week kne balik muo sebab aku nk abeskan kelas lesen, tak penah husband aku komplen.

tenx cayang! walaupun i dah jatuh no. 2 di hati u, u ngan ainur tetap no 1 di hati i. muahh!

july 2014.

Friday, June 20, 2014

enough smile for a lifetime.

happy 2nd month of birth ainur.

june 2014.

Monday, March 24, 2014

week 36 and new portfolio tumblr :D

semalam gi majlis tunang kazen hubby, pastu balik tu kitorang lepak amcorp and then midvalley sebab kononnya aku nak menghilangkan rindu kat artfren. sampai2 je aku singgah toilet, and then aku notice ade bleeding sikit. masa tu da cuak giler sebab aku dah 36 weeks, and minah2 keliling aku (akak aku, colleague aku etc) kebanyakannya beranak time 37 weeks. so kitorang pun balik putrajaya gi hospital terus.

macam bese diorg check ctg (denyut jantung baby), and macam bese jugak bila perut kne ikat, baby memberontak giler2 dengan menendang-nendang mesin tuh. pastuh, for the first time ever doktor gi check 'jalan' sebab bila darah campur lendir keluar, biasanya tanda2 nak bersalin. sakit dowh. menggigil2 aku lepas dia check tu, pastu mule la insaf, time nak bersalin nanti lagi la..

tapi pintu rahim lom bukak pun lagi. diorg scan pulak sebab takut uri jatuh. tengok2, kedudukan uri pun ok, takde mende. aku tak penah rasa contraction lagi, so actually tanda2 bersalin memang belum ada. aku kena hold dulu sebab diorg nak call gynae aku, samada nak tahan wad or bagi balik. aku pun cakap la hari esoknya tu aku ade appointment pun ngan gynae aku tu, so bg je la balik since diorg pun agree takde mende pun ngan aku. tapi disebabkan call2 tak dapat, kena la dok tunggu lagi sejam dua sampai la aku rasa ridiculous giler dan nak balik jugak! last2 diorg bagi balik tapi masa tu dah dekat pukul 9 malam dah pun. sempat la jugak aku ngan hubby menapau kfc ngan muffin kat alamanda. nak makan sushi kena halau sebab orang da nak tutup kedai.

then pagi ni check up ngan gynae kat hospital, dia check result semalam, dia cakap it could be infection so dapat la ubat. siap dr hazim cakap lagi kat kitorang, "kalau tak bagi ubat nanti bleeding lagi, you kena datang hospital lagi, nanti kena tunggu berjam2 lagi." wakaka..pasni kalo ade apepe yg pelik2 berlaku lagi, kitrg gi check kat hospital zahrah dulu ler.. kalau betul ada bukaan ke dah nak terberanak ke, baru gi hospital putrajaya. susah gak bila specialist je yg boleh decide padahal banyak je doktor lain available masa tuh.

next appointment masa week 39. pelik gak sebab aku baca, kalau dah hujung2 ni patutnya checkup every week. tapi maybe sebab aku blom ada tanda2 lagi kot, doktor pun rilek je. anyway hubby janji kalau aku beranak takde masalah and ada duit extra drpd budget bersalin kitorang, boleh beli intuos 5! aritu pinjam intuos membe aku, sampai kol 2+ aku dok main mende tu, bes gile.

aku da bukak tumblr. letak artwork2 yang siap, most of them yg orang commission. sekarang tengah nak abeskan commission sikit2 lagi sebelum beranak, pastu mau tutup akaun. nak buat personal artworks pulak. bes jugak kalo dapat intuos, sambil2 pantang ni boleh lukis2 *hint* *hint* :"D

Thursday, March 13, 2014

sambil2 menunggu hubby pick up aku kat opis aritu, tetiba bahagian perut sebelah kanan rasa sakit. aku memang biasa sakit kat situ, so biar je la dulu. then masa jalan ke lobi, rasa makin sakit. even nak duduk kat tangga pun dekat sepuluh minit gak la aku berusaha nak duduk sebab carik posisi daripada berdiri ke duduk tu seksa gile.

malam tu kitrg gi klinik. doktor check urine, cakap ade infection, tapi sikit je. so apesal aku sakit sangat? dia takut ade kaitan ngan appendix, suruh aku g hospital. pegi emergency kat hospital putrajaya, diorg suruh gi wad bersalin sebab dah 33 weeks. nurse ikat perut sebab nak monitor jantung baby, and baby tetiba pulak aktif gile malam tu, asek bergerak2 menendang sana sini. so nurse ikat lagi kuat, lagi la sakit perut aku. nak mengiring kiri kanan pun tak boleh lepas tu.

diorg call doktor hazim (aku checkup ngan doktor hazim kat hosp putrajaya), tanya nak buat ape, sebab urine ok, blood ok, contraction takde, baby pun aktif je. so doktor suh admit, monitor untuk malam tu. hubby gi kaunter, kne bayar deposit 3k untuk admit. kitorang cam pelik la, sebab sah2 belum nak deliver pun, asal kena bayar depo sampai 3k. and then insurans kampeni aku & hubby cover je kalo kne admit hospital. tapi disebabkan aku register under fpp, kena pakai skim fpp kalau admit under o&g. yang best nyer nurse tu tanya hubby, "encik dah ada 3000 belum?" pergh pergh perghh... masa tu dah dekat pukul 12 pagi, kredit kad nyer line dah offline, terpaksa la hubby gi atm sana sini nak withdraw sebab kitrg set withdrawal limit (takut terbelanja lebih).

sementara tunggu hubby setelkan payment, ada 2-3 kapel kena transfer ke hospital kajang or hkl sebab wad bersalin penuh. siap ada sorang mamat ni cakap, bini dah nak bersalin sangat dah ni, hospital kajang pun penuh, suruh datang putrajaya. diorang masuk check2, kne balik gak sebab bukaan belum cukup. hubby cakap lenkali kalo nak bersalin situ, duduk la dalam kete tunggu sampai bukak 10cm baru gi kaunter. sebab kalo dah emergency sangat diorg tak tolak dah kot.

tu first time ever aku kena admit hospital. yayan pun masa tu tengah kne admit gak kat wad kanak2, tapi aku tak gi tengok sebab tak larat nak jalan. yayan demam panas dah dekat seminggu, then ada satu hari kitorang bawak gi midvalley, balik malam tu tetiba suhu dia naik giler, muka & satu badan biru. bibir jadik kelabu. kelam kabut bawak gi hospital, rupanya suhu dah dekat 41 degree and hampir kena sawan. masa aku kena admit tu, yayan dah 3 hari admitted.

esok paginya sakit dah kurang, dr hamidah check, dia cakap maybe bukan appendix sebab aku sakit kat satu spot tu je kat bahagian bawah, tapi appendix tertolak ke atas masa pregnant. basically kat tempat aku sakit tu, xde ape-ape. petang tu dr hazim pulak datang, dia tanya dah oke ke tak untuk discharge? cepat2 aku cakap dah baik. dia bgtau maybe muscle strain kat situ, or anything else yang kita tak tau, they can happen during pregnancy. dia suh aku rehat kat umah sebab dok hospital pun bukannya buat ape pun (hoyeah). kalau sakit sangat lagi, datang hospital balik. yang besnyer dia suh tampal koyok or tuam ngan air panas kalo sakit sikit2 tu. doktor hazim ni drpd awal2 aku check up ngan dia, memang sempoi je. aku dok risau hb low, dia gelak, suh makan vitamin banyak2. aku dok risau lambat amik suntikan untuk tetanus, dia gelak lagi, cakap tayah amik pun takpe. cett


hari ni dah 35 weeks, tak sabar nak tunggu full-term. sekarang pinggang bahagian belakang pulak sakit, angkat beg laptop pun terkial2. bila sampai umah mesti flat. kol 10 dah landing. illustration yg org tempah bertimbun2 pending (kat freelancer, elance, pph, fiverr. kalo banyak masa pegi la join, macam2 freelance ade. dulu aku rajin gak buat CAD, tapi skang fokus on illustration je sebab nak improve portfolio). just that kalau hubby ade kat umah memang aku malas nak buat apepe. masa hubby takde arituh bole je aku duduk kat meja tu buat doorgift ke melukis ke ape ke.

akak aku ngan yayan ade kat umah skang, sebab nak deliver third baby. masa akak aku admit wad, yayan kne tinggal kat umah. masa tu la baru nak mengada2 manja berkepit je ngan aku sbb mak bapak kat hospital. kalo tak, harapan. then akak aku deliver semalam, baby girl, qaireen nurjannah. yayan tengok adik dia, senyum, pastu buat muka reject dia sambil cakap "hummpph!" gile akak aku every year pegnen. aku lom tgk lagi, tunggu balik umah petang ni baru dapat jumpa. kalau dulu aku dah berkampung dah kat annur sampai dinihari nak main bby. sekang dah tak larat dah, huhu. tunggu lah after pantang nanti maybe keletihan ngan sakit2 badan ni hilang. kesian husband aku, hari2 ade je aku mengadu sakit sana sini. mengada2 je lebih padahal.

berat dah 63kg! kat adeled dulu paling berat aku penah jadik pun 55kg sebab hari2 makan eskrem ngan cream and cokolat ngan buah2 masa winter, sedap siot. before pregnant dalam 48kg je. mula2 orag dok tanya asal perut kecik? skang sume dah diam, wakaka. after 7 months aritu memang bby membesar ngan rapid. lepas pantang nanti kena gi gym. nak jogging tengok la kalo jerebu da hilang or kalo hubby nak teman >:'( aim after bersalin ialah jadik kurus balik!

dalam 3-4 minggu lagi boleh start amik cuti, hoyeayy~ 

march 2014.

Monday, February 17, 2014

awesome artworks!

some artworks to share, enjoy!

james reads yang membuatkan aku mencarut everytime bukak ig dia.

richey beckett. aritu dia ada illustrate tshirt metallica, lawa gile. aku lom beli lagi.

glen ronald yang kubenci.

nanti aku jumpa yang best2 aku share lagi.

feb 2014.

Sunday, February 16, 2014


since hubby tgh bz ngan event genting, weekend aku selalu lepak kat umah je sebab tak larat nak ikut, aku start buat freelance illustration sikit-sikit. seronok sebab dalam 2 minggu ni aku berjaya buat mende-mende yang aku tak terpikir aku bole buat. character sketch, album cover, tea tin design (in progress), logo untuk tshirt, illustration untuk mystery novel (yang pastu aku give up sbb taking too much time =_=, too much detailing tapi bayaran ciput, pastu aku agak sucks untuk buat character european, x sempat nak study bila client nak cepat2), product design, illustration untuk patent/advertisement, ngan apa2 saja yang client mintak. tapi oleh sebab hari-hari tido kol 2, bangun tido pun sambung melukis lagi sebelum gi keje, sesambil tunggu hubby pick up kat opis pun melukis jugak, last-last aku x amik order dah, siapkan ape yang ada je. dulu mengade berangan nak jadik freelance illustrator, dah rasa sekali terus take it slowly. keje kat opis memang kadang2 banyak and kadang2 rileks, kadang2 tensen and kadang2 bosan tatau nak buat ape, tapi yang pastinya bila balik umah aku nak peluk hubby je tamo buat mende lain dah (actually aku nak tido je tamo pikir mende lain dah). buat benda2 craft lagi senang and tak pakai otak.

tapi disebabkan tujuan aku buat freelance adalah untuk prepare portfolio illustration, aku buat jugak bila ada order yang menarik. bagus gak kalo ade fund kat dalam paypal, aku tak penah belikan hubby ape2, duit gaji memang tak usik untuk beli figures, dah abes untuk makan-makan-makan dan simpan untuk beranak. so duit yg dapat dr freelancing boleh belanja hubby beli tf dia, wah niat sangat suci. (kalau nak botcon set tu tunggu lah ye sayang tatau la berapa bulan lagi baru cukup hahaha).

then again aku suka petang2 weekend camni, sambil melukis dan dengar lagu2 joe hisaishi, makan molten chocolate cake pacik dominos anta, peneman setia aku, baby tengah tendang2. tatau sebab eksaited dengar lagu ke sebab aku membongkok melukis, so baby tersepit. baby kat dalam perut bole tersepit ke? kengkadang aku tido mengiring kiri baby tendang-tendang kat bawah perut, bila aku beralih ke kanan baru la senyap.

event genting abes arini. i'll get back my weekends with hubby yay!

february 2014.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

weekends updates

didin't go anywhere on weekends. worked on silverbot's sketches.

perspective lari. too late to fix it anyway.

this copic costs only rm10+, much cheaper then the silver one (rm27+), but harder to control the ink flow. kengkadang pecah. kalo yg silver tuh seyes smooth giler atas surface ape pun. dulu aku dok beli set untuk pen2 ni (harga rm200+ per set untuk silver, rm100+ per set untuk grey, bole beli kat artfren kalo ade stok). saiz dia start from 0.03 sampai 0.7, plus brush small ngan medium. later on aku pakai 0.03 ngan 0.05 je, yg lelain dok diam2 dalam cawan. so skang bila refill aku beli 2 size tu je la.

transmy's interview with chinapress regarding the expo.

ok, we didn't understand a thing.

hubby with his displays. there are 13 other cases with the aim of 1300 figures (at least).

jan 2014.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

some hobbies

end of this week hubby naik genting untuk set up transformers exhibition, aku tak follow sebab kompem aku penat nanti. nak makan ni nak makan tu lagi, takmo nyusahkan husband aku (padahal nak melanguk kat umah sepanjang hari). and the following 3 weekends pun hubby akan stay kat sana for the expo, aku join masa mbr je kot (malaysian books of records for largest quantity of transformers toys exhibited; kalau tak silap aku). so malam tadi tolong hubby packing ngan tagging all the items yang nak dibawak.

since umah sewa lama husband aku dah dikosongkan, barang2 yang boleh angkut, pindah ke umah sekarang. mostly toys la. sume masuk stor, tapi banyak lagi yg tak muat. figures aku semua da masuk almari sob2. bila nak beli umah nanti, kriteria utama ialah at least 4 bilik, satu bilik tido, satu bilik baby, satu bilik tetamu, and satu lagi nak buat bilik figure + workshop. gambaree~

last time husband aku suka amik gambar figures & post kat forum transmy, so aku suggest ape kata bukak je blog satu untuk buat review. bila aku tengok balik gambar daripada awal2 sampai sekarang, seronok pulak tengok improvement in terms of photo shooting. since hubby tak suka edit gambar, dia pun try setup by setup sampai photos tu nampak ok without the need of editing. paling2 pun increase contrast sikit.

setup awal2 masa baru kawen arituh.

hasilnya camni. background yellowish, nampak kedut2 kertas. bila tengok gamba lama2, rasa macam nak amik balik katanya.

set up sekarang.

and some shots that i really like.


my favorite. thinking of drawing this one later.

sekarang ada certain figures husband aku pinjam membe2 dia untuk buat review sebab budget kne cut untuk simpan duit for our baby. thanx love! (tapi every month ade jugak la barang baru kat longgokan2 tepi dinding tu).

 haritu aku beli some illustration, turned them into magnets lagi :)


and playing around with some templates.

disebabkan aku xde background design / grafik, dan x reti pakai photoshop, struggle la nak buat mende ni. pemilihan warna aku memang failed, bak kata farah, ex rummet masa kat adeled dulu. bila tengok baju aku nak pegi kelas atau pegi keje, dia akan cakap, "N, harini ko nampak macam pokok krismas."

syukurlah aku bertemu jodoh ngan husband aku yang pakai baju hitam hari2. pegi keje baju hitam, baju batik kaler hitam, tshirt sume pun kaler hitam. so dr segi pemilihan pakaian aku yang serabut, husband aku takde komplen atau komen pun :p

this time, untuk buat doorgift aku prefer amik patterns atau illustration, sebab lukis sendiri amik masa and bukan lawa mana pun. beli vector lagi cantik. tapi untuk personalized coaster, aku lukis la. nak buat magnet pun amik saiz yang kecik, sebab saiz besar mahal. haritu aku pegi multifilla, glass beads yang 19 mm tu pun RM1 sebijik. menangis aku T_T

tak sabar nak cuti panjang nex week, nak siapkan semua commissions selagi boleh!

jan 2014.